When Hiei Went Insane: Edited and Revised
by Constance31
Summary: Hiei wanders a hotel full of unsuspecting Yu-Yu Hakusho characters asking one question, and one question only: DO YOU LOVE YUKINA?


When Hiei Went Insane  
  
By Constance3  
  
Author's Note: We do not own the characters of Yu-Yu Hakusho, but we most definitely own this suicidal and psychopathic story, which is very interesting in it's own way, in spite of a small decree of violence. It's a little different from the show, but we felt like using our imagination. We didn't want to follow the show exactly, but you'll like the story. I promise! But before our story starts, we just have one question to ask you: DO YOU LOVE UKINA?  
  
(Introduction)  
  
*Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, Kuabara, Keiko, Genkai, Boton, and Puu are all gathered in the living room of the boys' suite at a local hotel the day before their match in the Dark Tournament.*  
  
Kuabara: Why did you put "chapter 1" if there's only one chapter?"  
  
Hiei: You fool! That's the idea! For them to expect a second chapter! (Hiei laughs evilly)  
  
Genkai: You idiots! Now no one will expect a second chapter! Do you want to give away the whole story?  
  
Yusuke: Shut up, you old hag!  
  
Boton: Now, now, boys-play nicely!  
  
Hiei: Can I kill her now?  
  
Yusuke: Uh, Hiei, you seem to have forgotten one tiny detail. She's the Grim Reaper!  
  
Puu: Puu???  
  
Keiko: (Looks at Puu, whom she's holding in her arms) Don't worry, Puu. You're not alone.  
  
Puu: Puu?  
  
Keiko: I don't understand them, either.  
  
(Chapter 1-Do You Love Ukina?)  
  
*Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, Kuabara, Keiko, Genkai, Boton, Puu, and Suzuru are all gathered in the boys' suite at a local hotel. It is the day before the Dark Tournament, and they're all anxious for it to start, but that didn't stop them from having the usual arguments.*  
  
Kuabara: Oh, Ukina! Where are ya, sweetie?  
  
(Hiei gives Kuabara an evil look)  
  
BANG!!! (Suzuru brings her fist down on her brother's head.)  
  
Kuabara: Ow! Why do you always do that? I'm starting to feel unwelcome here. I think I'll go find Ukina.(Kuabara leaves to go look for Ukina in the girls' suite across the hall.)  
  
Kurama: So, Hiei, when are you going to tell Kuabara that Ukina is your sister?  
  
Yusuke: Forget Kuabara-when are you going to tell Ukina?  
  
Hiei: (sarcastically) Funny how the conversation always seems to drift back to that, isn't it? For the last time, SHE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW! And as for Kuabara.well, that information will just scare him away from Ukina! (slowly and thoughtfully) Hmm.maybe I will tell Kuabara after all.(with a sudden change in attitude) Goodbye, everyone!  
  
(Kuabara returns with Ukina soon after Hiei leaves.)  
  
Kuabara: Found her!  
  
Ukina: Hello, everyone!  
  
Yusuke: (casually) I think Hiei's lookin' for ya, Kuabara.  
  
Kuabara: (looking startled) What for?  
  
(Everyone exchanges glances)  
  
In unison: I don't know.  
  
Kuabara: (shrugs) Whatever.  
  
Genkai: Well, if you dimwits don't need me for the rest if this totally pointless conversation.I have more important things to do. (With a look of disgust, Genkai leaves.)  
  
Yusuke: I'm with the old hag. Keiko, wanna go see a movie?  
  
Keiko: Sure. See you guys later! (Keiko picks up Puu and follows Yusuke out.)  
  
Kuabara: Ukina, let's go find someplace where we can be alone.  
  
Ukina: Uh.sure.  
  
(Kuabara leaves with Ukina; Suzuru follows to keep an eye on her brother; Hiei appears soon after they leave)  
  
Hiei: Where's Kuabara? I can't find him anywhere!  
  
Boton: He just left with Ukina. I don't know where they went. But don't worry; Suzuru went to keep an eye on Kuabara. Things won't get out of hand.  
  
Hiei: Darn it! (Hiei vanishes)  
  
Kurama: I'd better help him find Kuabara before he bursts a blood vessel. (Kurama vanishes)  
  
Boton: I guess I'll go see if Lord Koenma has anything for me to do. I'm, bored! Why don't they ever ask me to come along?  
  
* * *  
  
(Later)  
  
*Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, Kuabara, and Genkai are sitting at the table in the boys' hotel room, going over a strategy for the next day's fight (they'd watched the opposing teams last fight and studied their fighting style, so they know what's coming) and drinking coffee. The clock reads 11:45, and the girls are sleeping in their suite across the hall.*  
  
Hiei: I don't see why we have to think up a strategy for tomorrow. We've seen the other team fight, and if you ask me, tomorrow's match is going to be a bit of a joke.  
  
Kurama: That may be so, Hiei, but you never know. It's best to be prepared.  
  
Genkai: The rest of you should listen to Kurama. He's the only smart one around here.besides me, that is.  
  
Kurama: Oh, Genkai, you flatter me, but I am not really as smart as you say. I am only experienced.  
  
Yusuke: Drop the modesty thing, Kurama. (Yusuke takes a sip of coffee.) It's very annoying.  
  
Kuabara: Smart.experienced.it's all the same to me.  
  
Hiei: Of course it is, Kuabara. You see, your mind is filled with several years' worth of information and facts, and to sort it all out would be too much for your brain to handle. If you attempted it, your head would most likely explode. But don't worry. It isn't your fault. You can't change something that always has been and always will be the truth.  
  
Kuabara: You watch your mouth, shorty! I could take you any time I wanted!  
  
Hiei: You've been saying that ever since I met you, Kuabara, but you have yet to prove it.  
  
Kuabara: You just wait until Yusuke and Kurama and Genkai aren't around to protect you, Hiei! Then we'll see who's the better fighter!  
  
Hiei: Indeed we will. (Hiei unties the scarf around his forehead to reveal his third eye.)  
  
Kuabara: Ugh! Put the scarf back on! That thing's creepy!  
  
Hiei: (ties his scarf back in place on his forehead) You needn't worry, Kuabara. If I fight you, I'll only use my third eye as a last resort and I don't think it'll come to that, do you?  
  
Kuabara: (shudders) I hope not.  
  
Hiei: Well, if it does come to that-which it won't-you're history!  
  
Kuabara: I'm warning you.one more word-  
  
Hiei: And you'll what?  
  
Kurama: That is quite enough arguing, you two.  
  
Yusuke: Guys, I hate to spoil the fun, but we've got a match to win tomorrow, and I think we should stop arguing and get serious.  
  
Kurama: I thought that word was alien to your lips, Yusuke. (Kurama drains his coffee, stands up, and stretches.) I don't know about you four, but I'm turning in.  
  
Hiei: (stands up and finished his coffee) I suppose I'll go to bed, too, but don't be surprised if you hear someone in the kitchen tonight. I don't feel much like sleeping.  
  
Yusuke: I think I'll hit the sack, too. (Yusuke drains his coffee and stretches) I'm beat.  
  
(Genkai joins the other girls in their suite; Yusuke and Kurama go to their room; Hiei and Kuabara go to theirs)  
  
* * *  
  
(3:00 a.m.)  
  
*Kuabara wakes up suddenly, looks across the room, and sees that Hiei isn't in his bed.*  
  
Kuabara: (sleepily) Hiei?  
  
Hiei: I'm right here, you idiot.  
  
(Kuabara looks over to see Hiei in the doorway, holding his sword.)  
  
Kuabara: Oh, hey, Hiei. What's with the sword?  
  
Hiei: I thought I heard someone in the kitchen, but it was nothing. Go back to sleep.  
  
Kuabara: Okay. Whatever. G'night. (Kuabara rolls over toward the wall.)  
  
(Hiei walks quietly over to the bed and raises his sword; Kuabara opens his eyes suddenly and turns over)  
  
Kuabara: Hiei, what are you doing?  
  
Hiei: Look, Kuabara, I don't have time for this!  
  
Kuabara: Are you going to tell me, or not? After all, I think I deserve to know why you're trying to kill me!  
  
Hiei: I'd rather not, but if it'll shut you up.okay, listen closely because I'm only going to say this once.  
  
Kuabara: I'm listening.  
  
Hiei: It's because of Ukina.  
  
Kuabara: Ukina? What's she got to do with anything?  
  
Hiei: She's my half sister. I figure if I kill you and everyone else who loves or even likes Ukina, I won't have to try so hard to protect her. (Hiei raises his sword again, looking extremely menacing and half-crazy.) Say your last goodbyes, Kuabara! (Hiei's sword comes slashing though the air, and Kuabara's head rolls off his neck and onto the bed; Hiei laughs evilly)  
  
(Hiei steals silently into the next room. Kurama's bed is empty, but Yusuke is sleeping soundly in his bed.)  
  
Hiei: This will be easy! (Hiei quickly and neatly slits Yusuke's throat and Yusuke dies instantly.)  
  
(Hiei walks into the suite across the hall and walks into the room that Boton and Keiko share. Seeing Boton lying in her bed, he walks over to her.)  
  
Hiei: (to himself) Yusuke's right-she is the Grim Reaper.But all the same.(Hiei hides his sword under the bed and shakes Boton's shoulder gently.) Boton? Boton?  
  
Boton: (stirs and sits up, speaks sleepily) Hiei? What is it? What's the matter?  
  
Hiei: Quick, you have to tell me, do you like Ukina? As a friend, I mean?  
  
Boton: Well.yes, I suppose. As a friend.  
  
Hiei: Then I'm afraid I'll have to kill you.  
  
Boton: (gasps) What?  
  
Hiei: (covers Boton's mouth with one hand and grabs his sword with other) Boton, I'm really, really sorry about this, but.(Hiei stabs his sword through Boton's stomach and Boton dies quickly and without a sound.)  
  
(Hiei walks over to Keiko's bed and hides his sword under the bed)  
  
Hiei: (to himself) I don't want to kill her.she is Yusuke's girlfriend.but I guess.since he's dead anyway.(Hiei kneels down and shakes Keiko awake.) Keiko, I have something very important to ask you.  
  
Keiko: (sleepily) What is it, Hiei?  
  
Hiei: Do you like Ukina?  
  
Keiko: I.I.um.I'm just not that way, Hiei. Sorry.  
  
Hiei: (relieved) That's all right, Keiko. Go back to sleep.  
  
Keiko: Did Ukina tell you to ask me that?  
  
Hiei: (gasps) How dare you insult Ukina like that? (Hiei stabs his sword through Keiko's heart and picks up Puu.)  
  
Puu: Puu???  
  
Hiei: You're cute! I think I'm going to keep you. But now that Yusuke's dead, shouldn't you be dead, too? (Hiei shrugs.) Oh, well.  
  
Puu: Puu?  
  
Hiei: You're annoying me.Die! (Hiei stabs Puu with his sword; Puu dies with one last, pained "Puu")  
  
(Kurama's voice rings through the quiet.)  
  
Kurama: Hiei! What are you doing?  
  
Hiei: (turns and smiles sheepishly) N-nothing.  
  
Kurama: Hiei, how could you? What were you thinking?  
  
Hiei: I.I.  
  
Kurama: (voice suddenly turns gentle) It's Ukina, isn't it?  
  
Hiei: (sighs heavily and sits down in a chair that sits against the wall) Yes. It's Ukina.  
  
(Genkai, Suzuru, and Ukina walk in and gasp at the bloody scene before them, and at Hiei sitting against the wall looking like a kid who got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar.)  
  
Hiei: I just thought that.if I killed everyone who likes Ukina, even as a friend.protecting her would be.so much easier.  
  
Kurama: I suppose I can understand that you want to protect Ukina, but killing your friends is no way to go about it.  
  
(Hiei's face turns hard)  
  
Hiei: They're not my friends. I don't have any friends.  
  
Kurama: Yes you do, Hiei. I'm your friend. Yusuke's you friend. Kuabara could even be your friend, if you'd let him. And the girls are your friends, too. And you can trust us when we say that, if anyone ever tries to hurt Ukina, we'll help you protect her. You don't have to worry about her anymore. (Kurama holds out his hand.) Now give me the sword, Hiei.  
  
(Hiei hesitates, but he finally he hands the sword to Kurama, and everyone sighs in relief.)  
  
Ukina: But, Hiei.why would you bother to try to protect me?  
  
(Hiei looks up and stares at Ukina.)  
  
Hiei: Because.well.I've never told you this, but.I'm your brother.  
  
(There are several moments of stunned silence. Almost everyone in the room knew that Hiei and Ukina were brother and sister, but no one had ever heard him mention it out loud when Ukina was nearby.)  
  
Ukina: You.you can't be serious!  
  
Hiei: I am.  
  
Ukina: But.how?  
  
Hiei: Well, we're half siblings, actually. I left my family as a child, and I've been alone since then. Then when we saw that tape of you, I realized that you were my sister.  
  
Ukina: But.why didn't you tell me?  
  
Hiei: I just wanted you to be happy, and I didn't think you would be happy knowing that you had a criminal demon for a brother.  
  
Ukina: I'm happy just knowing I have a brother!  
  
Hiei: You're.you're not mad?  
  
Ukina: No. I only wish you'd told me sooner.  
  
Hiei: Really?  
  
Ukina: (smiles kindly) Really. Now, anyone want to join me for some hot chocolate?  
  
Hiei: I would. You and I have a lot to talk about!  
  
(As Hiei and Ukina walk to the kitchen, Hiei peppers Ukina with questions about the ice world and what it was like to live there. Kurama, Suzuru, and Genkai follow.)  
  
* * *  
  
(The next day)  
  
*Everyone is gathered in the living room with plates of bacon, eggs, sausage, and toast in their laps, on the floor, or on the coffee table. Boton woke up soon after Ukina and Hiei left the room and, for some strange reason, so did Yusuke, Keiko, Puu, and Kuabara. Kuabara won't go near Hiei, but everyone else seems to have forgiven him. Hiei seems to have changed since he told Ukina he was her half-brother. He's much more friendly, he smiles a lot more, he cracks jokes, and he doesn't seem angry at the world and everything in it anymore.*  
  
Hiei: Kurama, if I ever do anything like that again, promise me you'll tie me down with your rose whip until I come to my senses.  
  
Kurama: (laughs) I don't think there will be any need of that, Hiei.  
  
Yusuke: Yeah, We'll just talk you down like we did before.  
  
Genkai: What's with the "we", dimwit? Kurama talked him down! You were dead, remember?  
  
Yusuke: Oh, yeah.  
  
Ukina: You guys! Stop teasing my brother. Can't you see you're embarrassing him?  
  
Yusuke: Gee, Hiei, I thought you were trying to protect Ukina, but it looks like she's the one looking after you!  
  
Ukina: So, Hiei, where did you meet up with these clowns?  
  
Hiei: I met Kurama when we were working on something together, and the first time I met up with Yusuke, he beat me in a fight. Pretty impressive, considering that back then all he had were his fists, a spirit gun that he could only use once a day, and his own wits. I can't say much for that last thing, though, the thing about his wits? At the time, I thought he was brilliant, but actually it turns out that he's just a lucky fool like the rest of us. No offense, Kurama. You're smarter that all of us put together. Anyway, I don't remember how I met the others.  
  
(Boton hits Hiei with a pillow.)  
  
Boton: What? We're not important enough to be remembered?  
  
Keiko: Now, Boton, I'm sure that's not it at all.  
  
Suzuru: Yes it is. We have to beat him up before he'll remember us, and none of us has beaten Hiei yet besides Yusuke.  
  
Boton: But he remembered Kurama, and Kurama's never beaten him up, has he?  
  
Kurama: Maybe not, but I did hit his third eye during his battle with Yusuke, and I don't think he's completely forgiven me yet.  
  
Hiei: I've forgiven you, but I'm not sure if my eye has. Like I've told you before, it's very sensitive and hates to be disrespected.  
  
Kurama: (stands and gives an exaggerated bow) My deepest apologies, third eye. I was only trying to keep Yusuke from getting killed.  
  
(Everyone bursts into laughter.)  
  
Yusuke: Wow. Kurama, I didn't know either you or Hiei had a sense of humor.  
  
Hiei: We both have one. We just keep it well hidden. It wouldn't do to show a sense of humor to that audience of demons during our matches, would it?  
  
Kurama: Indeed, it would not. Those demons seem to hate humor. They would turn on us.  
  
(Yusuke looks at the clock.)  
  
Yusuke: We'd better get to the match.  
  
Ukina: Just don't get yourselves killed, okay? I still want to get to know all of you. I never bothered to try before, since I would just be going back to the ice world, anyway. But now I think I'll stay for a while. I do have a brother to look out for, after all, and one that's willing to look after me.  
  
Keiko: Good luck, you guys, and like Ukina said, don't get yourself killed.  
  
Suzuru: Good luck. And watch yourself, baby brother. No doubt you're the stupidest of these goons, for all you're the biggest and the ugliest.  
  
Kuabara: Hey!  
  
Boton: We'll be cheering for you guys.  
  
Kurama: Then I guess we'll have to do something worth cheering for, won't we?  
  
Did you like our story? If you did, great! And if you didn't, then all I have to say is: It's our first story! Cut us some slack! (And Hiei might come and kill you if you make him mad and tell him the story was bad, because that means you didn't like his performance. And plus, one of us likes Hiei, and she wishes Hiei liked her back! Make sense? Good!) We weren't really sure how to spell some of their names, so I hope you'll forgive us for that. And while most of this could really happen in the show, we decided to throw in a little of our own creativity. We hope you like it! If you have any questions or comments, e-mail us at battlecry15@aol.com! Thanks a lot! 


End file.
